Roleplay Puella Game Madoka Magica
by Person With Many Aliases
Summary: Alright guys, I think it's time you took a break from the doom and gloom and had something a little more lighthearted.  "No!" She shouted back, frustrated, "Not yet! I just need a few more minutes! This raid won't last without my help!"


A/N: The only way to fight SHAFT's Drugs is to take more Drugs. Or something.

So, basically, I'm creating a work of insanity. It may be funny. Therefore…

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><p>In Summary:<p>

_There once was a man in Japan,_

_Whose name, I'm told, was Urobuchi Gen._

_He designed a Tabletop called Fate/Zero_

_Wherein you could be an RPG Hero._

_Alas, the sequel was stolen by some asshole,_

_The writer from Type-MOON, Kinoko Nasu_

_(To remind you, this is a work of comedy,_

_Insults have no indication my own courtesy)._

"_Fate/Stay Night" took Fuyuki City by storm_

_With that doofus, Emiya Shirou, playing in top form_

_(This tale is regaled in Fate/Initiative Roll,_

_One of my most popular stories, for reasons untold)._

_Now it's the year of 2011, it's time for a revival,_

_And Urobuchi has bided his time, ready for arrival,_

_Of his new masterpiece, built in the invisible online._

_He's pitched his work, and now it's decided to be very fine,_

_To unleash the power of the game in __Mitakihara Town,_

_On the unassuming 14 year olds (save one, I guess) who are sitting around._

_(This rhyming shit's really fucking hard, alright?_

_Now shut up and read, before I hit you with a flashlight.)  
><em>

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><p><strong>Now steel yourself well, for Person With Many Aliases' maddening aura:<strong>

"**Roleplay Puella Game Madoka Magica"!**

**A Hellspawn fic, made of ill repute and gaft!**

**"Puella Magi Madoka Magica" property of studio SHAFT!**

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><p>Uh, right, so, Mitakihara Town, which I cannot explain where it's situated. But given its building construction, I have half a mind to suspect this is some bizarre alternate universe where Japan sat atop massive oil deposits, and the Middle East, by contrast, was a densely wooded realm that, like any densely wooded realm worth its two cents, was in the process of being deforested by aggressive urbanziation.<p>

But that's neither here nor there, until we have some sort of Captain Planet adaptation. Of Madoka Magica.

Ahem.

That said, with the end of the school day at Mitakihara Middle School, Kaname Madoka, the class health representative (and protagonist of this story. I think.), and Miki Sayaka, the best friend where doing their usual schoolgirl routine by shopping at the local mall…

I swear to god, I think Mitakihara "Town" takes everything from Dubai, or something. It's just uncanny.

Madoka was being a good friend and waiting for Sayaka to sift around music CDs for rare composers. (Sayaka was a genius for finding good rare music that people never bought, thus able to get two or three for the same amount of money she could have spent just buying one Mozart-Bach-Salieri-Chopin-Freddie-Mercury-Whatever-The-Hell.)

Madoka was also being a good magical girl protagonist by having inwardly tortured thoughts of ennui and angst about what she should do with herself and what she was capable with the few talents she had, if any (which believe me, you wouldn't believe me if I told you).

You know the kind of questions kids their age would ask themselves, "Oh, if I had the power to change the world, the things I could do! I would become the GOD OF THE NEW WORLD! EVIL LAUGHTER!"

"Hey, Madoka?"

Madoka snapped out of her existential funk, "Hm?"

"What was Akemi talking to you about, anyways?"

Sayaka was only tangentially acquainted with introverted, glasses wearing Akemi Homura, Madoka's personal medical case, so she ribbed. Homura was a girl with a weak constitution, only recently released from a life time of terrible hospital food just half a year back, and had been up to Madoka to help deliver Homura her medicine from the nurse's office and help her there on the days she was too weak to do much else than sleep in the infirmary.

(Hitomi once made a joke about Homura possibly wanting Madoka to be her "night-shift nurse", whatever that meant. It probably wasn't very funny, considering all it did was make Homura bleed profusely from the nose and nearly suffer a heart attack. Madoka berated her green-haired friend for telling bad jokes.)

Today however, Homura seemed to seek out Madoka specifically to talk about something. Sayaka naturally found it more than a little weird that a generally shy wallflower suddenly taking the initiative to not just talk, but drag her friend off to talk.

"Well… she was kinda talking funny."

"Funny? How?"

"Today, she suddenly got all mysterious and started asking me if I "treasured my ordinary life" as it was now." Madoka furrowed her brows slightly, trying to recall what was it Homura asked.

Sayaka exercised her right to shoot her eyebrows up and down in confusion, "Huh. Weird. What did you say?"

"Well, I said I was alright with it, I guess."

"And?"

"Well, she just warned me not to go to the mall today. Well, specifically, not to visit Gamestop on the south wing."

I said this was some bizarre alternate universe. So Gamestop sells in Japan. Because. This is probably the same history that has America with shops full of "Animate" and Times Square in New York is Akihabara, because they somehow discovered and created Anime by copying off Eastern Cartoons, or something.

Alas, Homura tried her best to warn Madoka and Sayaka, but as you know, these are 14 year old girls. You can't just dare them to not go somewhere and then expect them to dumbly agree. You have to use reverse psychology. But Homura didn't know, so she pretty much shot herself in the foot by telling Madoka that.

Shot. Heh heh.

They walked over to Gamestop, curious to see what Homura was warning them about. When they got there, they found a large promotional event. There were some balloons and fold out signs, and some guy in a huge mascot suit of some weird white alien looking thing with long floppy ears and a stare that hit you right in the soul.

The mascot was having an avid discussion with a girl who was wearing the same school uniform as Madoka and Sayaka.

"…I'm just saying, we're having a promotional with Morning Rescue now. When you upgrade your game, if you buy a bottle of the drink, you can check underneath the cap, get the serial code and enter to draw and win one of several prizes." The mascot guy said.

"Huh. Like what?"

"Oh, you know, special game items, gift cards, tea…"

"I feel like you're purposely baiting me with that last prize."

"Hey, I'm just saying." The stuffed animal looking guy raised his hands defensively.

"…Mami, is that you?" Madoka couldn't help but blurt out.

Tomoe Mami yelped and might have jumped five feet into the air if she weren't any less awesome. But she was Tomoe Mami. Madoka and Sayaka knew her as their completely awesome, tea-swilling senior (in so much that she acted cooler than them), and this all meant in a totally unironic way.

At least until now, since, you know, she was standing in front of a Gamestop and talking to a guy in a mascot suit.

Mami swirled around, stared at her _kohai_ for an indeterminable amount of silent "fuuuck!", before she put on her best face, granted the smile was still a little awkward.

"A-Ah, Madoka, Sayaka! How are you doing? W-What are you doing here?"

"We were just window shopping." Sayaka managed to get out, before asking, "You?"

"Ah, well... I was just passing through, you see-"

"She was totally going to update her copy of Puella Magi until you guys showed up." The mascot guy amiably cut her off before she could come up with more excuses.

Mami twisted back to the mascot, hissing under her breath, "You're not helping me!"

The mascot shrugged, staring at Mami with that stitched smug look, and quoted, "I was never really on your side."

As the victim groaned, Madoka tried to break the ice with a sheepish smile, "Mami plays video games?"

"Just one! And I'm trying to quit! It was a cruel day when I discovered this game!" The sempai still frantically tried to excuse. That said, she was doing a great job saying this in a reasonably calm and collected fashion. She took time to concentrate on fully annunciating every word just to keep herself from babbling her reputation to tatters any more than it was already.

"Uh, I don't think we were going to say anything about it, anyways. I got an Xbox, myself, you know." Sayaka placated. (And also proved she was one of those dirty console playing peasants.)

"Really?"

Mami looked like some girl who'd seen the Sistine Chapel ceiling for the first time in her life.

"Uh… I play video games too?" Madoka also gently offered. Her opinion didn't count, however, because she was the kind of girl who thought that playing Bejeweled on her cell phone counted. That said, Mami didn't know.

"T-That's wonderful!" The blond senior said, considerably cheered.

"In fact, so wonderful, why don't you guys learn the joys of bonding over dungeon crawling, raiding, and… uh… RPing…" The mascot guy suddenly jumped in, smelling sales opportunity, "Did I mention we're having a promotional with Morning Rescue?"

"Um. What game are we talking about, again?" Madoka had to ask.

Those beady red eyes turned their polyester gaze on the 14 year old.

"I present to you, the greatest MMORPG ever made. _Puella Magi_."

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><p>"<em>Prepare for the Battle for your Soul!"<em>

_The WITCHES have taken over country! The peaceful Kyubeys require YOUR HELP! Use the POWER of SOUL and banish the evil ones! Become Puella Magi and save the day with YOUR FRIENDS!_

Now, you too, can become the MAGICAL GIRL!

_-Fight the Witches and their Familiars with one of ten classes! Which is a lot of classes!_

_-Super efficient online prevents lag when with friends, all the time!_

_-Immersive Setting and Story written by Urobuchi Gen!_

_-Subscription Prices always low!_

_-For a little bit of money, the online shop sells elite, unique equipment and promotional items!_

It was developed by From Software and Blizzard. That should tell you enough. Capcom also made a lot of suggestions.

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><p>"Ah, another job well done." The guy in the mascot suit congratulated himself. That was another two copies less in Gamestop, and another customer continuing her gaming. Well, not that he didn't care about them as people. He was an avid gamer himself, still. Just, these days he was always so busy, running around in this get up-<p>

"Hey! Guy in the fluffy suit!" A cashier from the shop's counter called out. The guy turned around.

"What?"

"There's a phone call for you!"

The guy pulled the mascot head off, revealing that he was actually a pretty normal salary man fellow with a pretty normal head, even if he was wearing the costume of one of the most evilly designed creatures in all of existence.

"Who'd be calling me now of all times…?" He muttered to himself, grabbing the phone so he could find out.

A girl's voice was on the other end.

"_QB, what have you done?"_ The voice accused.

There was only one person "QB" knew who would bother to use online forum names to address people she associated with. Granted, he never met her face to face, but she had this thing for being all mysterious…

"…Homura, is this you?" QB (who's name rather, in a cruel twist of fate, was Ichinii) asked, a bit too dumbfounded to sigh.

"_You've let Kaname Madoka get her hands on that game. Now she'll take part of that world. You shouldn't have sold it to her."_

"Wait, who?"

_"Kaname Madoka."_

"Look, I helped sell at least 10 copies of that game today, you're going to need to be more specific."

_"…The pink haired girl in the school uniform a few minutes ago."_Homura's black velvet voice helpfully supplied.

"Oh." QB (or Ichinii, but it's hard to tell which name is worse), said, before suddenly feeling very indignant, "Hey! What am I now? The screening agent for the game? You shouldn't even care, anyways!"

"_I won't let Madoka get into any further into this world."_

"Why are you so concerned about her? Why are you even telling me all this!"

_"I'm just saying. So if anything happens to Madoka, it's your ass."_

"Hey! I'm not responsible for any of this! In fact-"

A thought brought the mascot guy to a halt.

"Wait, how did you even know this Madoka bought a game only a few minutes after she did?"

_"I have my sources." _The voice explained matter-of-factly.

"…Homura, you've been watching this store all day, haven't you?"

The voice hitched.

_"…N-No. Don't be silly."_

"Hey, don't lie to me, there's a café across from this Gamestop!"

"_Shut up! I'm going to stop Kaname Madoka from playing Puella Magi, no matter what it takes!"_

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><p>Madoka herself wasn't the one had had bought the PS3 that sat in the family living room. That had actually been a sly move on her Dad's part because he was a stay-at-home type, meaning he had a lot of time to kill indoors, when he wasn't genetically combining tomatoes with tobacco in the backyard.<p>

That said, she was now the one using it.

Since Madoka was new at these sorts of things, setting up a new character required a bit of floundering around, a few minutes of referring to the instruction manual, a few minutes of horrified reading of an online flame war of character class balance (she was a bit too delicate to take the internet), and finally a phone call from Sayaka, who was wondering what was taking her so long, and then simply said to "pick whichever you want".

In the end, she modeled the female character off herself, picked a Wizard (since she was supposed to be the magical girl), and dove straight in.

**Logging onto Account…**

**Loading Character Data…**

**Loading Map Settings…**

**Logging onto Server Eins…**

**Entering The Nexus...**

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><p>For the sake of convenience, it would do you well to merely imagine all online characters as being rendered as the girls who are playing them. Save they all wear wildly fantastic clothing that are coded to their hair colors and all that.<p>

You know, magical girls.

Anyways, a girl in pink and the newest guest yet, dropped into the central hub of the gaming setting. Which was a pretty dreary place, but Madoka had taken the time to read the back story of the game on the instruction manual. So she wasn't too surprised she was standing in a dank, dark temple, populated by grim NPCs.

It begged the question of how exactly this game was geared towards a younger audience.

"Yo! Over here!"

Madoka's player character twisted around to see what could have passed for Sayaka (wearing what was possibly the world's most badass cape) and Mami (looking like some kind of Swiss huntswoman). Of course, rather than the names Madoka came to know them by, above their heads was the helpful prompts of their online handles:

_V8PoweredSeckendorff (Lvl.1 Warrior)_

_RolandThompsonGunner (Lvl.44 Ranger)_

"Hey guys! We're all here!" She cheerfully exclaimed, running up to them and totally ignoring the ambience of their game setting. Then again, this is what happened when you had microphones.

"Before we begin, I need to ask, what's up with that name Madoka." "Secokendorff" asked, voice coming through like fuzz, before pointing to the name above Madoka's player character's name.

Which was _Madoka10DaysOrLess (Lvl.1 Wizard)._

"What's wrong with it?" Madoka had to ask, with a tilt of her head.

"Are you sure you should be giving out your personal name like that?" "Roland" asked, concerned, before Seckendorff cut her off again.

"Are you sure you couldn't have picked a cooler one?"

"I'm sorry. I really tried, but I couldn't think of anything neat like you guys." Madoka shrugged helplessly.

"Well, what's the "10 Days" supposed to mean?" Seckendorff brow beated her friend.

"Well…"

"Well?"

"I just suddenly thought about Amazon. The name came out by itself, pretty much."

There was a unanimous "Huh" that went through the trio, as they digested that info. Roland eventually found spoke up again.

"Well, now that we've met each other, shall I show you around the game?"

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><p><strong>Loading Character Data…<strong>

**Loading Map Settings…**

**Entering the Overgrown Gardens...**

"Uh, Roland, just a question." Seckendorff asked off hand as the three of them entered the new map, which was littered with flat rose graphics and overhanging vines.

"Yes?"

"How does this game work, exactly?"

"Well, it's mainly stage based, so it can't really be called an MMORPG." Roland explained, with the last word probably flying right over Madoka's head, "We just enter a stage, get to the end, and defeat the Witch."

"And then?"

"Well, we use the Grief Seeds to upgrade character stats and weapons…"

"And then…?"

"Uh… we hunt more Witches?" Roland lamely ended, apparently never really thinking the game mechanics through.

"Does it actually end?" Madoka couldn't help but ask.

Roland thought about it really hard, "Not really… Witches respawn after you finish a stage, and the developers add new stages pretty frequently…"

"So, the game never really ends? What kind of game is that!" Seckendorff threw up her hands, aghast.

"Ah, but the adventure is the journey, not the conclusion." Roland wisely returned.

Seckendorff wasn't too convinced. She was rather fond of the operatic credit sequences at the end of her RPGs. The kind that lasted 10 minutes, before having 30 minute epilogues because the developers had no concept of priority.

Still, they bought the game (because they were stupid enough to listen to a sales pitch), so damn it, they were going to play this game.

As it was, after journeying an appreciable distance into the first world, they met their first enemy.

The dreaded Pringles Monsters.

Well, alright, they had some official name. But this was a fan base, they were going to nickname those sentient, butterfly legged, cotton ball headed things, something.

Madoka took a few steps back, taken aback by the appearance of the monsters.

Seckendorff, considerably cheered at a chance to beat some guys up, grinned, "Alright! Fight time!"

Roland turned back to Madoka with a reassuring smile, "I know this is your first time playing these kinds of games, but don't worry, since you're playing a Wizard, you just need to-"

"They're so cute!"

The game BGM finished, and there was a moment of silence as Seckendorff and Roland turned back to their last team member. There was no face they could have possibly made to match their reactions.

The BGM restarted.

"…What?"

"You don't think so?" Madoka asked, incredulous at her friends' heartlessness.

"Dude, Madoka." Seckendorff only said "dude" rarely, to highlight a point, "They're spasmodically twitching freak shows about to attack us with garden shears."

"I know that… but those mustaches!" Madoka couldn't help but gush.

"Madoka, if it's alright with you, we kind of need to fight them, now…" Roland hesitantly explained, while the pink attired Wizard was practically glowing with squee at the sight of Dem Mustaches (There was a lot of merchandising to be had with those guys).

That snapped her out of her glow, "What! How could you! They haven't even done anything yet!"

"Madoka, they're monsters! We're supposed to fight them!" Seckendorff complained.

"B-But…"

The Warrior made a guttural groan that rumbled in her throat. Madoka had weird priorities at times, because of her all consuming need to cherish and love everything in sight. There was one time Madoka finished Silent Hill 2 for Sayaka. She asked Madoka how she was able to get through such a horror game when she was normally so squeamish.

"I-It was a horror game! ? Sayaka, how could you tell me that! I thought it was just an allegorical love story! Now I'll never be able to play it again!"

Seckendorff threw up her hands again, before brandishing her swords, "Ah, screw this! I'm the warrior hero character! I'll just go be a warrior hero over there on those Mustachioed guys!"

"Seckendorff, no!" Madoka looked more horrified by the second.

"Uh, can you hold up for a second? We sort of need to do this as a team…" Roland surprisingly also vetoed.

"There's no time! You two can shoot or whatever from the back!"

"I mean, Sayaka, really this is a bad idea-"

"SECKENDOOOOORFF! HOOOOO!"

Blue and white hurtled down the path towards the Pringles Monsters.

Apparently she never heard what other games From Software made.

"Take this you evil-AGGH!"

In the back, Roland gave a helpless sigh of her own, while Madoka winced, and wondered what she could do with her character class.

"Madoka, I thought you said she was good at games. She's just charging in blindly."

("Crap-Crap-Crap! How the hell do I dodge-STAMINA GAUGE! ? The hell is that! Crap, how come I can't dodge any more! ? AAUGH!")

"She is! I've watched her play some games before! She has Pure Platinum Trophies on every stage of some game called Bayonetta! Those are hard to get!"

"Huh…" Roland took a few seconds to consider it, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

(H-Heal! HEAL! Agh! Why isn't the game pausing! ARGH!")

"Madoka, does she actually ever play any multiplayer games? Just for completeness sake."

("AUGH! Not the butterflies! AARGH! THE BUTTERFLIES!")

"Hm…" Madoka's eyes scratched the top of her lids as she tapped her cheek for answers, "She plays Blazblue, sometimes. And Dog Drug Reinforcement."

"Ah. Well, sadly, those don't really count, here."

"Oh."

("BLARAARUGAH! Must… heal…!")

Roland windmilled her strong arm a few times, working out the kinks, "Come on, Madoka, let's go beat up those Pringles Monsters and save Seckendorff."

"But the mustaches!"

"Madoka, I promise that after we clear this stage, we can revisit it later and just look at the monsters."

"Really?"

Roland put on her most disarming smile, "Yes, really. We have telescope items, after all."

"Well, if you say so."

("I'm… such a… fool…")

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><p>It kinda went on like that, pretty much. Seckendorff and Madoka still pulled their weight, that said. Even with their idiosyncrasies. Roland still had them sit back a bit so she could show them how to take down a boss. Gertrud wasn't much trouble though.<p>

That said, second stage.

**Loading Character Data…**

**Loading Map Settings…**

**Entering the Candied Clinic...**

Aside from the never ending bane of all players everywhere, swarms of small flying enemies that cheesed you to death, the stage wasn't all that bad.

Cheese. Heh heh.

Still, that was when they met That Boss. Charlotte, in particular, was known for a pretty nasty lunging attack that chewed you up and spat you out for a set percentage of damage, which was a pretty cruel way of keeping a second stage boss relevant, all things considered.

And true to form, Roland, low on health, got caught by the attack, chewed up, and spat back out, dead.

And then died again. Since, you know, after you hit zero health, you have to do that death animation where you stagger, drop to your knees, clutching at your chest and reaching for the air, before falling on your face. It kinda kills the Suspension of Disbelief.

Luckily, Seckendorff and Madoka were easily entertained.

"ROLAND! NO! We can't do this without you!" Madoka sobbed.

"You'll pay for this, evil boss!" Seckendorff snarled at the giant grinning tube worm looking thing.

"Uh, guys, I'm not really dead…"

"But, we can't do this without her! I don't know what to do!" Madoka was getting to hysterics now.

"We have to try! We can't let her sacrifice be in vain!" Seckendorff shouted back frantically to her Wizard teammate.

"No, really. I'm fine. I mean, all I need is a Gem Reviver, I think we picked up a few of those from the enemy drops-"

"Roland… if only you were here…!"

"I don't care how low level I am… as a Hero of Justice, I can't give up here! FOR ROLAAAAND!"

Madoka continued crying incoherently, and Sayaka charged towards the boss character. After healing herself.

So she had enough common sense to use potions, but completely overlooked the fact that a teammate could revive a "dead" member.

"Alright, they're doing this on purpose, aren't they?" Roland muttered to her self as her face was nuzzled in the strawberry and cookie crumb mix that made up the ground.

Well, no matter. All she really wanted was _somebody_ to get over here before everyone got killed-

"That won't be necessary."

…_It couldn't be._

Well, only Roland really thought that. Seckendorff and Madoka weren't very well versed in the ways of the Puella Magi gaming community, so they were more surprised than shocked at the appearance of some new player character dressed in purple and black, who jumped into the fight out of nowhere.

Well, jump might be an understatement. She literally blinked out of nowhere according to the other three's perspective.

"What the crap-! ?" Was what Seckendorff had to say about it.

The boss continued to try and swing after the new girl, who merely kept skipping in and out of perspective, and throwing disposable bomb and flame spell scroll items. It wasn't some one off thing either, she was chucking dozens of them at a time.

Eventually she stepped on the bloody Charlotte boss killed it, and did one of her taunt animations, which was a rather haughty flip of her hair.

_Oh my god, that is the sexiest thing I have ever seen._

That was Madoka. There was a lot of things going on under that pink-haired noggin of hers.

In the aftermath, the new girl ambled over to the stunned (and temporarily dead) trio, did the sensible thing and actually tossed a Gem Reviver onto Roland's corpse, which didn't take any time at all to give a faint glow of healing green, before she heaved up from the ground, panting after nearly suffocating in her undead state from a face full of Charlotte cake.

"Roland! You're alive!" Seckendorff ecstatically cried and wrapped her arms around her revived teammate.

"That was what I was trying to tell you-"

"I thought I would never see you again!" Madoka sobbed and took up Roland's other side.

At this point, the blonde decided to just enjoy the fact she was so beloved and shut up until later.

Then make them read the FAQ.

That said, the black-purple girl walked off.

"Um, thank you-!" Madoka began, before the girl twisted around and pointed her index finger indignantly at the newbie.

"Kaname Madoka! Do you realize now that this game is serious business! ? If you're not willing to dedicate yourself to this world, you're better off quitting! I hope you heed my warning well and leave while you still can! That is all!"

"Oh my god, someone cool just talked to me…"

None of them really were in a proper state of mind to pick up on the fact that the player had just used Madoka's full name. I suppose all for the better. Making them paranoid would have been unhealthy.

"Who the heck was that?" Seckendorff helpfully asked, eyebrow cocked in perturbance.

"That was… Dio Izayoi, a legendary player… looks like she's currently playing as a thief." Roland said, in complete awe.

"Currently?"

"She's a player who's been providing input to the development of the game since the original beta version of this game. She's legendary in the gaming community."

"Really? What version are we at?"

"Version Five, I think."

"Oh my god, someone cool and famous just talked to someone like me." Madoka continued drooling faintly.

Seckendorff frowned, "Alright, then answer this. Why is Dio wearing cat ears?"

Dio, legendary player, currently a thief, and currently walking away, ground to a halt with her back to them. Her shoulders hunched up. The eared headband on her head was still visible.

Roland shushed her newbie warrior friend, "Those are extremely rare items to obtain! They have a one in a hundred chance of dropping! They're a sign of true dedication!"

"…No, those are definitely cat ears."

Dio turned her head to look back at them. The glare was actually pretty lethal.

"I can hear you from here."

Seckendorff's normal panache hurked to a halt, "S-Sorry about that, Miss Izayoi!"

Dio harrumphed.

The ears flicked.

Madoka choked.

"She's cool and cute… oh god…!"

"Alright, Madoka, you can stop before you get a heart attack…" Roland sighed, still trying to gather herself to her knees.

Dio gave another smart flick of her hair before disappearing.

Seckendorff frowned, "And how can she do that? Isn't that cheating?"

"Well, I think it's just lag." Roland answered.

"What?"

"Rumor has it that Dio's internet connection is so powerful that it makes other players with good connections already look so slow. So it's not that she's cheating. It's just she's faster than us by that much."

"Huh. I wonder what kind of power that requires."

* * *

><p>"AKEMI FUCKIN' HOMURA!"<p>

The pigtailed and bespectacled girl gave a very unrefined shriek in her chair, and twisted to look away from her computer, across her single room apartment flat, and towards her open front door that was helpfully opened by the skeleton key that belonged to her irate landlord.

He was standing in the doorway, reading to blow some arteries in his neck, temples, and eyeballs. He was some crazed American ex-soldier who apparently found something appealing about moving to Japan, even though he missed the tranquility of Post-War Japan by about 70 years. Having missed his chance to partake in manly soldiery violence in Japan, or whatever the hell he was up to, he settled for becoming a landlord. The logical chain that connected all these events together were still very much a mystery.

That said, he was still crazy, and still her landlord.

"Y-Yes…?" Homura whimpered.

"Explain the presence of a satellite dish the size of a fuckin' football field on my roof, with a permit to directly uplink to local satellites overhead, and signed under YOUR NAME! ?"

To be honest, it was a really large satellite dish on the roof.

"I… uh… I… uh… uh… er…" Homura stammered.

"You have five seconds to come up with an excuse before I make the price of your rent the solution to the global recession."

Homura blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.

Which was bribery.

"The satellite is also hooked up to your room! You can play Call of Duty faster on it!"

The landlord stared at Homura for several seconds. As he was American, playing and being good at Call of Duty was an important part of his gaming identity, next to buying yearly Madden and NBA games.

"Gah, alright, you can keep your stupid satellite dish." He grumbled, "I HOPE SEAN BEAN FALLS ON TOP OF IT AND MAKES IT EXPLODE! Pah!"

The door slammed shut.

Homura gave a sigh of relief before turning back to her computer.

* * *

><p><strong>Entering The Nexus...<strong>

Roland cracked her neck, and exhaled her exhaustion. It had been quite a bit of dungeon crawling for the three of them. Madoka and Seckendorff were nearby, unloading their treasure and selling what wasn't necessary for them.

"Alright girls, I think we've had a long enough day. I'm going to log off. I think we need to get ready for school tomorrow, anyways."

"Hm, alright. I guess I better take off, too." Madoka agreed.

Seckendorff didn't seem so obliged though, as she kinda toed the ground, embarrassed.

"Uh, I think I'll hang around for a few minutes more… I just kinda wanna check some things out, you see?"

Roland didn't quite see, actually. But it wasn't like she was actually the boss of her.

"Well, alright. Just don't stay up too late. We have school, and all that."

"You're telling me."

"Well, the warned, the wiser. Or something." Roland quoted some kind of proverb that probably didn't really exist, before blinking out of existence."

"Take care, Sayaka!" Madoka added, completely breaking the veil of secrecy that protected their real life identities. Then blinked off, too.

Now all by her lonesome in the game hub, Seckendorff gave a grin of her own, before stocking up on supplies. She was sure she had gotten the hang of the difficulty curve of the game. Of course, whether she recalled her experience with the Pringles Monsters was yet to be seen. That said, she wanted to see how far she could get on a solo effort.

* * *

><p><strong>Loading Character Data…<strong>

**Loading Map Settings…**

**Entering the Scribbled Scrapyard…**

Seckendorff dropped into the psychedelically colored dungeon.

The first thing she saw was yet another player.

"Ho there, brave warrior!"

The redhead turned around, frowning at Seckendorff, while stuffing another healing item down her mouth.

"I see you're here by yourself! Would you like to join me to defeat the boss of this stage!"

"Hmph."

The redhead ambled up to her.

"Excellent! As you've been here longer than me, may I trust you to guide us in this-"

_Ankoxander Anzurson (Lvl. 31 Paladin) has killed V8PoweredSeckendorff (Lvl. 13 Warrior)_

"Huh? What! ? Why! ?" Seckendorff choked in shock as she went into death animation and ate the floor.

Ankoxander sneered and spun her spear to come to a rest on her shoulder.

"Hah! Newbie. You were just asking to be caught off guard! Welcome to PVP!"

Ankoxander felt that the quip wasn't quite complete. She considered for a moment.

"…Bitch!" She then added for emphasis.

* * *

><p>"Kyouko! Was that a bad word I heard?" A voice came from outside in the hallway.<p>

"Er… No, dad! I was just saying my plan went off without a hitch! Yep! "

"That… that was sneaky…! I won't let you get away with this!" Seckendorff said, prior to disappearing, because she was on solo play.

* * *

><p>The redheaded lancer guffawed by her lonesome.<p>

"Oh ho, the newbie thinks she can take me on? I'm the best ever. I'm the most brutal and vicious, the most ruthless champion there has ever been. No one can stop me. Newbie is a conqueror? No! She's no Ankoxander! I'm Ankoxander! I'm the best ever. My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious-"

A sword came out of her chest. Backstabbing was a fighting mechanic that existed in this game.

_V8PoweredSeckendorff (Lvl. 13 Warrior) has killed Ankoxander Anzurson (Lvl. 31 Paladin)_

"ARGH!" Was what Ankoxander had to say about it before she face planted herself in death.

"Take that!" Seckendorff spat, having respawned and ran all the way back from the Nexus.

"Oh, you want to fight! ? I'm going to kill you deader than dead, even if it's going to take all night to do it!"

"I'd like to see you try! You'll never defeat me!"

* * *

><p><strong>Tomorrow Comes Today:<strong>

I found it an apt title. And now this story is officially one centimeter closer to aping the ways of Cromartie Highschool.

As it was the next day, Mami was fresh, prim, proper, and quite amiably seated in her chair. Homura was nearby, asking Madoka for help for homework, but it seemed to be more just a justification for one of them to sidle up next to the other and invade what was normally personal space. Madoka, of course, was just being nice.

Then Sayaka came in, and scared the shit out of everybody.

"Oooaaruurggh…" Was what it said when it staggered in, hunched over.

_HOLY HELL WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT THING! ?_Was what registered in Mami's head.

"…Oh, good morning, Sayaka." She cheerfully greeted.

"Sayaka, are you alright? Are you sick?"

Homura, was not obligated to make any response to Sayaka, who she was not particularly well aquainted with. This was a good thing, because there would be no threat of her saying something that would reveal her knowledge of these things. On the other hand, there was such bait for a witty phrase that it almost hurt as much to not say anything.

_Ah, Sayaka, I see you're racking up those internet bills today. Ah, Sayaka, had a date with your favorite game? Ah, Sayaka, I presume you've spent all night studying hard?_

Such a shame.

"I'm… unnggh… alright... I think…" Sayaka grumbled as she slipped into her seat, "I stayed up all night…"

"Sayaka, I think we warned you about such things." Mami chided.

"There was this stupid player I needed to beat up… we ended up fighting all night. Ugh, I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm so tired… I'm like a zombie…"

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you the infirmary?" Madoka helpfully suggested. Sayaka waved her off.

"I'll live."

* * *

><p>"I… uh… Roland, what's the phrase I should say for this?" Madoka asked.<p>

"I think it's 'I beg to differ', according to English class."

"Oh, right. I beg to differ."

"I said I'm fine." Seckendorff grumbled.

"You've been moaning and groaning all the time we've been here." Roland retorted.

Here was not actually specifically the Nexus. They had went about adventuring and killing minions (and wrenching Madoka's poor heart at the death of the adorable surreal nightmare creatures. Luckily there were no actual blood effects in this game). By the end, they were already atop a crumbling roof top in a stage called the Mauled Metropolis, a stage unique for its muted colors and generally realistic architecture. Ignoring the fact that most of the buildings and rubble were levitating in the air to make staircases and platforms, and that giant tree. That aside…

"The sun just kinda irritates my eyes when I'm tired. Don't worry. It's not like I'm going to faint halfway into this game. I have a few liters of Pepsi beside me, too!"

Roland's worries still weren't quite mollified by Sayaka's Pepsi or the back up by Seckendorff and Madoka. It was for more reasons than just the odd thought that her friend would at some point accidentally walk off a roof because she was too tired to pay attention.

"I really don't think it's a good idea to have the two of you follow me today."

"Really?" Madoka asked, suddenly worried, "I mean, if we're holding you back, you only need to tell us."

"And then we will stay all night to train and improve our minds and bodies!" Seckendorff unhelpfully added.

Roland waved them off, "It's not that. It's the game. I think you two should go back to Nexus and log off tonight. It's the end of the month. For the game, that's when we have a regular special event."

"Yeah? What's the problem with it?"

"Well, the event's not very forgiving for new players, and that's already atop of the rest of the game. It's called-"

_WALPURGIS NACHT HAS BEGUN. BE PRAYING. BE PRAYING. BE PRAYING._

Too late.

"Ah, damn it."

* * *

><p>That isn't to say that Walpurgis Nacht was bitchingly unforgiving and made it impossible to survive. It's just you had to run back to the Nexus as fast as possible before it caught up to you.<p>

The Mauled Metropolis wasn't exactly good for that, given the various fifty mile sheer drops here and there.

The three brave Puella Magi (players) were making their way down a skyscraper at full tilt. Seckendorff and Madoka were still at a loss at why Roland was practically dragging them back.

"Wait, what's a Walpurgis Nacht! ?" Madoka managed to cry out with everyone running for their lives for some reason.

"It's the worst boss in the game! It only comes out at the end of the month!" Roland frantically shouted back as they

"What's so bad about this one?" Seckendorff asked, "You know, I've killed Airman on my first try-"

"This is worse. Trust me."

"Oh. Alright."

(Sayaka most likely judged the difficulty of bosses in measurements of Airmen. They usually were so many Airmen. But since Mami was being serious about this boss being so tough that it broke the scale, this probably meant Walpurgis Nacht was like a Kilo-Airman or something. That serious.

Digressing now.)

Before they could get anywhere close enough to the stage's exit, they found their path in the distance blocked by a looming figure that dangled upside down from the sky, dress made of clockwork and spinning cogs.

It was pretty big, to say the least.

"It's in the way!" Roland cursed.

Seckendorff merely found this the appropriate time to draw her sword and point it at the giant Witch boss.

"Never fear! It's just a big enemy! No matter how tough, I'm sure we can persevere, if we work as a team!"

"What should we do?" Madoka asked, almost in awe.

"Simple! We'll do the basics! I'm the warrior so I stick to the front and catch his attention! You two sit in the back and pelt it!"

"A-alright!"

"It's as good a plan as any, if we're going to get out of this alive." Roland admitted. She was also rather pleased Seckendorff was finally getting the hang of this RPG business.

"If worse comes to worse, we need to just fight that big guy in order to get past! Right then!"

Seckendorff twisted around to face her friends.

"Never fear! Together, we can do any-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!"

Seckendorff so shrieked past Madoka and Roland's heads to the red head who was coming down the path towards the stage exit, too. The two turned around to see the stranger (from their point of view) whose equal rush down came to a screeching halt. Her eyes bugged out same as Seckendorff as they stared at each other for a few incomprehensible seconds.

Ankoxander's mouth opened and closed a few times in a feeble attempt to explain her presence.

"I… I… was also here to take down Walpurgis Nacht before the rest of you do! And I'll be famous! Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha… ha…!"

(The truth was, she actually totally forgot about Walpurgis Night until she found it wise to run for her life. She had been actually farming enemies for food ingredients to cook.)

"How dare you show your face in front me again, you evil… player killing… you know… My Cicada Cyclewhatever's messed up thanks to you! You're evil and mean spirited!" Seckendorff accused.

"Shut up! That night wasn't easy for me, too! How could you be so persistent? Most people would just accept dying and go away, but you had to keep coming back for rematches! I have to have a few liters of Pepsi beside me to stay awake!"

Seckendorff stared incomprehensibly for a few seconds.

Madoka and Roland seemed to have some sort of primal recognition of what was about to happen. They took a few steps back from their blue-schemed heroine.

Seckendorff then exploded.

Metaphorically-Figuratively, I mean. I mean, not really actually explode.

"LET'S FINISH THIS! RIGHT HERE AND NOW!"

"Fine!" Ankoxander seethed, and brought out her Spear+5, "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, SNAKE!"

"AAARGH! LIQUID!"

"SNAAAAKE!"

"…The hell does that mean?" Roland helpfully added, as Seckendorff rushed past her teammates and decided to fixate her entire existence on killing off her evil, oppositely colored nemesis, thus starting a fight scene that was so awesome that it could not be contained in words or vision, which is lucky for us, Madoka, and Roland, since the embittered disappeared around the corner, sounds of spells flying and steel clashing.

Which left the two other players alone with the gigantic, also equally player killing Witch. That was starting to move it's looming in a direction very notably in their direction.

"Thanks for the speech, Seckendorff, really, it's good to know you're putting your heart into this…" Roland lamely whined into the distance. She wasn't quite at the level of sarcasm required to become a perennial snarker, but she did what she could.

"Roland, we have to get out of here!" Madoka frantically shouted, bringing her friend back up to speed and back to the present.

"Gah, I don't know how! Maybe we can double back to the other end of the stage, or something. I don't know what to do with this boss!"

"Well, we have to fight it, right? Maybe if we can damage it enough we can make it back off-!"

The Wizard raised her bow. (You know, because in this game, one of the innovations was that Wizards used bow class weapons instead of, you know, wands or staffs or something. I suppose it's decently cool.)

"Madoka, wait! Not without a tank-!"

Madoka, sadly, had not discovered the advanced mechanics of Aggro yet. Maybe she should have played Army of Two or something. Then again, she would think it's too violent for her. Pfeheh.

Regardless, she fired an arrow of energy (otherwise known as a magic missile, doho), at the approaching Walpurgis Nacht. It did all of a 45 points of damage (With defense scaling calculated).

It also made the boss fully turn it's attention on the newbie player, and by relation, the girl who was beside her.

The whole looming thing now got very intimidating as the giant upside down Witch thing's shadow now completely covered them, making it abundantly clear how little they were in comparison to Walpurgis Nacht.

Magical symbols appears in the air above the two, indicating that the boss was about to unleash seven levels of lasery, magical death from above.

"…Mami, I am really sorry I am about to get our characters nuked."

"It's alright, I know you didn't mean it."

The two held hands in a very endearing way as Walpurgis Nacht made them disappearing in an incinerating light.

So they died.

* * *

><p>…<p>

Alright, that was a lie. They didn't exactly die.

Madoka had her eyes screwed shut, and before she exploded, she felt something wrap itself about her waist and propel her out of the damage radius.

"Wha-! ?"

That was all the girl managed to get off before she opened her eyes, and landed heavily on her back, on another platform, while Walpurgis Nacht (alright, that name's getting long. The community's gonna need to come up with a nickname for that boss soon before that name gives me Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) floated a little helplessly in the distance, its movement speed being one of the few things it had hampered. It would be a few minutes before it would catch up to Madoka.

And Dio Izayoi, who Madoka found standing next to her, flipping her hair. And flicking her cat ears.

_Oh my god, that pose._

Madoka shook the thought out her mind, and tried to focus on the now and here. Even if it would threaten to kill her with a heart attack with the adorableness of Dio's model.

"What are you doing here?"

"Keeping you from getting more addicted to this game. I'm not going to let you fight this boss and get yourself killed over it. That's my job."

"What about Roland? Did you get her too?"

"Hm. No."

"What! You left her to die?"

"Don't worry about it. She's a veteran. She'll probably be fine."

On cue, Roland's smoking body came limply crashing down conveniently on the other side of where Dio stood.

"Gah!" Madoka went, "You seriously left her to die!"

"If she died, it would be her own fault. I told you, she's a veteran. She has her Ranger character with a mid-range Strength/Dexterity Build. It's not like she's squishy like you are."

Homura distracted Madoka again with another hair flipping animation. I suspect she might have recognized the effect her generic cuteness had on the newbie.

"I didn't know so many status effects could be stacked at once…" Roland meanwhile groaned from the ground.

"You should have seen Walpurgis Nacht in version one." Dio smugly quipped, before looking at Madoka, "You stay right there and heal Roland up. I am going to finish this boss. While I have it occupied, you escape."

"No! You can't do this by yourself! You'll die!"

"Better me than you. I don't want you getting obsessed with this game and winning fight after fight. Go play this game until you get bored of it, and let it go."

With that, Dio blinked away in a burst of super latency.

(I'm starting to get the impression that everyone who plays this game is a little too serious…)

As soon as she was gone, Madoka twisted around and began using whatever healing spell they used in Puella Magi to restore Roland back to working order.

"We have to help her!" Was the first thing Madoka practically blubbered into Roland's face as she sat up from her near death experience (again).

"Why? It's what she wants to do." Roland tried to calm her teammate down.

"I can't leave anybody to fight such a horrible enemy alone, Roland! It's not right!"

"I know, but neither of us are ready to fight Walpurgis Nacht! It's not something that can be beaten with even the three of us."

"I don't care!" Madoka's magical girl protagonist nature was making her rather heroic resolute, "Even if it's just the few of us… if we can get Seckendorff and her friend…"

"Um… I wouldn't exactly call that redhead a friend of Sayaka's…"

"Either way, the point is, I want to help Dio! I haven't been able to do much since I came here, but I know, as long as I try hard enough, I can make a difference! We just need to believe, and not give up!"

Roland stared at her friend in surprise at the intensity of words, before slowly smiling, "Alright, Madoka. We never really did things your way, did we? Let's help Homura, then, no matter what it takes."

"Thank you!"

* * *

><p>Dio was doing her thing of course, and throwing out every promotional, store bought, found, and otherwise every expendable weapon she had been saving up, and using them against Walpurgis Nacht's massive frame<p>

Toss the firebomb, blink about a laser. Throw the flash bang to try and give it a blind status, fail that, dodge some more. Throw the array of knives you've been collecting since day one, wonder what possessed you to do such a thing without taking them to a smith to combine them with an item for increased damage. Fire the RPG, ignore the sudden inclination to shout "Banagher!" at the top of her lungs while saluting, and lean backwards and narrowly miss the giant rock that was hurled at you.

She was using everything she had, and she had a lot of 99s of many, many expendable weapons. Still, they were all low level, and even if she was making an appreciable dent in the boss' life, it certainly wasn't enough in a short enough time to let Dio be confident in her ability to fight this boss for however long. For all she knew, this could take all day. She could even die.

Not that she minded. She could always pick herself up another day. Just so long as Madoka wasn't here to-

_Walpurgis Nacht (Lvl. 87) receives 125 Damage from Madoka10DaysOrLess (Lvl 14 Wizard.)_

Dio's breath caught up, and looked around wildly to find the origin of the attack that was landed on the boss. She eventually found Madoka on a platform grafted onto the giant tree.

"What are you doing! ? I told you to leave!"

"And I'm staying!"

"I can do this by myself!" Dio practically snarled in frustration.

"I don't care! I'm going to stand by myself and fight for once. If you're not going to let me fight with you, I'm still going to fight beside you!"

"You naïve-."

"Look out!"

Madoka couldn't help by cry out in warning, while Dio turned back and saw Walpurgis Nacht about to fire another beam of lasery magic death at her. Dio wouldn't have enough time to do her amazing disappearing trick.

_Walpurgis Nacht (Lvl. 87) casts-_

_RolandThompsonGunner (Lvl. 47 Ranger) casts Tiro Finale._

_Walpurgis Nacht (Lvl. 87) receives 1863 Damage from Roland-_

Dio's eyes widened as she realized the boss' attack had stuttered. Just a second enough for her to jump away.

_-casts Lasery Magic Death. Miss._

Well, it sure was a miss considering Dio went flying five feet through the air from the force of the explosion.

Rolling to stop on one knee, she turned to glare at Roland, who dismissed the Hand Cannon (Oh lord, the puns to be had).

"And what's your excuse?"

Roland returned one of her disarming _ojou_ smiles, "I'm just keeping Madoka company."

As the three of them reconnoitered at where Dio was, Madoka smiled, "We're kind of in this together, anyways."

"…Fine… Just this time." Dio grumbled.

"Alright! Now let's fight the… Uh… is that allowed?"

"…Apparently."

Nothing more needed to be said as Walpurgis Nacht threw a building at them.

"We have to do something!" Madoka said, glaring at the multi floor projectile.

"Would it help if I pointed my finger and said 'bang'?" Dio just had to quip, while making an appropriate pantomime with her first three fingers.

The building exploded.

"…Huh. I feel like I should be saying something here." Dio muttered, staring at her hand.

"You don't have to say anything at all…" Roland said, shocked.

Madoka was, as well, but then she recognized something distinct jumping out of the clouds of dust.

"Hey! It's Seckendorff! And whoever that other person is…"

"Oh, they're still at it."

"ARGH! PUT YO GUNS ON!" The blue shape with swords up the wazoo was screaming.

"FEAR THE FIRE IN MY SOUL! OYAKATA-SAMARGH!" The red one with the spear returned.

"The hell kind of games are the screaming about now?" Dio wondered.

"I don't know, but they're being pretty helpful as it is." Roland mentioned off hand.

As luck would have it, the final two players, in the midst of making the Cloud vs Sephiroth Fight from Advent Children Complete look like Buster Keaton vs Charlie Chaplain, landed and rolled to a halt on the same roof as the others. They were glued to each other with a lot of scratching and hair pulling. Oh, and head locks.

"Stop wasting all the food _I_made! You item thief!"

"You're one to talk, player killer! JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL!"

"Um, Seckendorff, can you stop trying to kill each other? We're all kinda teaming up to fight the boss, here…" Madoka sheepishly cut in, a little hesitant.

The warrior and paladin (amazingly enough), stopped fighting long enough to look up at Madoka. They looked in the other direction to see Walpurgis Nacht, who had been a little put off for the last few minutes at how this story decided to throw in a few jokes at the expense of its screen time.

(Hey, you're already killing everybody in the show, chill out and live a little. Heh heh.)

Seckendorff and Ankoxander finally turned to look at each other begrudgingly. In a totally platonic way. Trust me. Their heavy panting was because of the adrenaline burning through their systems as they were earlier trying to pierce each other with their-Okay, I'm going to shut up now.

"She's kinda got a point. It's Walpurgis Nacht and all that. This might be the wrong day to be trying to kill each other." Ankoxander admitted.

"Alright, we'll not kill each other today…" Seckendorff sighed. She was really big on JUSTICE. Either that or she was mixing that up with Revenge. But either way.

The two got up from the ground to fully organize with the other three.

"So, you gonna introduce me to your friends?" Ankoxander snarked.

"But you can read the names above their head." Seckendorff confusedly responded.

"Hey! It's common courtesy!"

"Sheesh, alright. Roland, Madoka, this is Ankoxander. We've been killing each other all last night. I'm not really acquainted with Dio, though. I didn't even know she was here."

"I'm just passing through. Yeah."

"Oh, so that's why you were a zombie today in school!" Madoka exclaimed. Ankoxander snorted over Seckendorff's reddening face.

"I'm fine now! Enough talk!" The adrenaline and Pepsi really helped.

Seckendorff took her cue to do her usual thing, as she stood in front of the group as their team tank and general rabble rouser (AKA, The Leeroy), sword extended at the giant boss in the sky.

"Avengers, Hooooo!"

Sadly, Walpurgis Nacht had no voiced lines. So I'll be filling in for him. Her. It.

"Aw, crap."

* * *

><p><em>THE WITCH WAS DESTROYED.<em>

_You shall obtain the Grief Seed… and a power that is beyond human imagination._

* * *

><p>Five girls, covered in soot and burnt carbon, stood in the center of the Metropolis, at sea level. They were literally up to the ankles in a body of water that took up the lowest level of the stage. But considering the chaos of what had happened in the last hour and a half,<p>

"We did it! We did it together!"

"What a haul! Agh, no food items."

"That took too long. I'll be right back, I've got to go steep the tea now."

"Ha! No matter what enemies come into our paths, Seckendorff will always be there to fight them head on and win! Ha ha ha! Ow…"

"Well, I'm off."

"Huh? Wait, Dio…!"

Madoka chased after the dark-clad mysterious passer through. Dio swirled around, visibly frowning, and very much at the pink wizard.

"Well, are you happy now, Madoka?" That was rather acidly put out, with the name being inflected in some meaningful way that the subject was sure Dio was referring to her by her real name, and not just the online handle, "I suppose you'll be playing Puella Magi to your heart's content… and taking all the glory…"

"Dio… What's wrong? It's true, you always wanted to keep me out of the game? Why?"

Dio's normally calm and collected façade (even while frowning), finally cracked under duress.

"Because you do keep doing everything well, Madoka!"

Madoka was taken aback by the fourth wall breakage, "W-What? Who are you?"

A sigh.

"Homura."

"Homura-chan! ?"

"Yes, me. I bet you didn't expect that quiet loner you have to baby sit to be me?"

_Oh my god, a cool person was actually in the same class in me. Wait. Huh? But Homura… errrgh, this is making my head hurt…_

"But why would you…"

"Because this is the only place people respect me. If you came, you would have excelled in this, like you do everything!"

"What! ? That's not true! I'm not good at anything… I'm mediocre." Madoka tried to lamely excuse.

Dio, or Homura, folded her arms, and didn't seem so sure, "You ace most exams."

"I… I just study diligently when the time comes. It doesn't mean anything-"

"Set records during the Sports Day."

"That… that was a fluke-"

"Home Economics, you made a perfect Baked Alaska."

"Look, I was just following the instructions…!"

"You were improvising with local ingredients."

"Well… I mean…"

"Look, for all I know you'll be winning a Nobel Prize next week. You seem to be able to do everything."

You should know, Madoka had actually been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, the year prior. She only lost out to Kim Jong Un because she was under aged, and because that guy edged out in the Irony department, after hiring John Millius to write the script for that Homefront game. Them's the breaks.

"So, you're afraid that I'll be too good at this game?"

_BWA HA HA! I WILL BECOME THE GOD OF THE INTERNET WORLD._

"This game is the only place I have a different reputation…" Homura muttered darkly. Madoka quickly walked forward to hold her friend by the hands.

"I won't take that away from you! Besides, I'm new at this game, so I need your help, and everyone's help! You've been playing alone all this time. Isn't it time to start having friends?"

Homura was moved by such drippingly mushy lines.

"A-Alright!" Her character model sniffled.

* * *

><p>Some weeks later, Roland, Dio, and Madoka were adventuring again.<p>

"Sayaka doesn't seem to be online very often these days." Madoka pondered.

"It's because she's always running off to the arcade, these days. She's always competing against some girl on the machines." Dio answered off hand.

"Oh. That's weird."

If only they knew.

"So, Dio, what are we doing today?"

"I guess we'll just do what this game is always about. Hunting witches."

"Alright! Let's go!"

With that, Madoka and Dio ran off in the sunset. Conveniently forgetting Roland, who was a bit behind.

"Great. I'm turning into a third wheel."

Roland gazed wistfully into the sky, dramatic tears running down her face.

_Forever alone…_

So she would be. At least, until the Oriko and Kazumi expansions.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in a dark room, Shizuki Hitomi swirled around from her computer, laughing evilly in her swirly chair, as she petted a cat.<p>

"Heh heh heh, soon my plan will come to fruition…!"

* * *

><p><strong>Ze End<strong>

* * *

><p>AN: As I see it, Puella Magi would probably be some sort of unholy union of Demon's Souls and Monster Hunter. Alright, and WoW, but only if the party is big enough. How a 14 year old girl would find this an attractive genre to play, I don't know, but online games are inherently addicting, and with people like QB pitching, I'm sure that they can pull miracles out of the air.

Miracles. Heh heh.

That said:

Madoka: Madoka10DaysOrLess – Wizard (Natural Genius).

Sayaka: V8PoweredSeckendorff – Warrior (Headstrong Hero).

Mami: RolandThompsonGunner – Ranger (Veteran Player).

Ichinii: QB – Merchant (Salary Man).

Homura: Dio Izayoi – Thief (Legendary Mod).

Kyouko: Ankoxander Anzurson – Paladin (Arch Nemesis).

Hitomi: GutShotCult – Monk (Evil Mastermind).

Everyone enjoy the 22nd, where everyone will surely die! Again!


End file.
